Okay. So, I am kind of in a big dilemma here. A dilemma I can't really talk about. A dilemma that maybe doesn't even exist other than in my head.

The question is, where do you draw the line? When do you put others before yourself? I usually put myself first, as selfish as this sounds, but now, I don't know. I don't know what's better. Holding back from something that could be fun for me to not be a b*#$?% (even though it's not my intention) or just doing it anyways, for myself and not caring about anything or anybody else.

See, a lot of times when I was overweight, I put others first. I was so worried of what they thought: I'd get paranoid at times, obsessing about whether a friend was mad at me because she didn't answer a text or if a family member was angry because we hadn't talked in a while. Now, pffff... If a friend doesn't answer, too bad for them. I am not going to care about it. If I have nothing to feel guilty about, then, I shouldn't feel guilty about anything.

But now, I know that if I think only of myself, I'll feel guilty. At the same time, I want to just not have to care.

Being a grown-up sucks sometimes.