I don't want to sound stupid or like I am complaining, but I hate being self-conscious. Like, I wish there was a switch I could turn in my head that would allow me not to give a shit about what I look like. I wish I could feel beautiful right now at 181 pounds. I wish it didn't matter. I wish I didn't care. I wish no one cared. I wish I never gained the weight this summer. But here I am, right now, feeling like this miserable girl when I have EVERYTHING going for me. Everything except my body. But it shouldn't matter right? It doesn't matter. It never did. Weight does not define me. When I sing tonight, for the first time since coming back here, people won't think to themselves "Oh god she got even fatter than last time". They will think " Oh god her hair got so long". Yes. Double yes.

Okay. Rant over. Sorry. I AM SO NERVOUS.