I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I was trying to understand why I want to be skinny. What is it about being thin that is so crucial to me.

Now, at 170, I still have the same face, the same eyes, the same hair. I am a little pudgier but still fit. I am fine the way I am right now.  I don't need to lose weight, but I oh so want to. I want to be SKINNY. I want to not worry about what I look like. I don't want to have body issues, but will all that go away when I reach 155? If I ever reach 155... What if at 155 I am still concerned about the way I look, about my body and my weight. What if I am never satisfied? That's when it becomes a problem.

I guess I am questioning my motives a lot these days. There is absolutely no doubt I am losing the weight. That's not even an option. But I have to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons.

Like one of my readers mentioned, it shouldn't have to be this hard to lose weight / maintain my weight. I am doing something wrong. I am going to figure out what it is!

Actually, I know what it is. I have to stop eating so damn much. And I have to learn to love myself.