I am feeling self-conscious. That's the word. A word I haven't thought about in a while. I don't know why. I don't know what is causing it, but I don't like it. It's like a memory, haunting me, coming back from time to time, trying to invade my mind once again. I am doing good, I am pushing it away, letting myself know that the extra pounds will melt off in the next couple of months and that I don't look that different (with clothes on), but it keeps bugging me.

They say it's all on your head, and they (whoever the hell they are), are right. The way you view yourself will influence they way people see you. I just want to be seen as a normal, somewhat attractive girl. Not as a chubby one. I know, right now, that I am in the chubby category, and I want to get out of it, but just the thought of starting the gym again and having people see me run or exercise is making me self-conscious. The thought of walking down the street is making me self-conscious. The thought of seeing old friends for the first time in the summer is making me self-conscious. And I hate it.

I guess the first week back at the gym will be hard. I will have to push myself everyday to go, do it and just give it my best. And then, it will come back slowly and the pounds will start melting and soon enough, I'll be back to my normal self. I have to take responsibility for my actions and I can't be mad at myself for gaining weight, but I so wish I would of stayed skinny this summer.

As we all know, wishing won't get you no where. What will get you places is DOING. So after this move-in, the gym is starting and the pounds will drop and the self-conscious feeling, well, it will be erased once again and I'll be back to being me.